THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t truly show remorse. Asking for forgiveness shows that we are taking responsibility for our part in the offense. It also indicates an understanding that the other party can and should contribute emotionally to the act of forgiveness.
Saying “I’m sorry” also doesn’t require a response. We expect one, but it doesn’t require one. When I say or do something that hurts someone’s feelings, and I realize what I did if I walk up to them and say, “I’m so sorry for how I hurt you,” I can expect them to accept my apology, but they are not required to receive it. I’m not asking them to do anything. I am merely acknowledging the wrong action or words and showing I recognize my offense.
If we are honest with ourselves, most of us expect a response to an apology and for healing to take place. When a response does not happen after an apology, we get mad all over again.
Asking forgiveness inherently requires a response. You are making a request. The person has a decision to make. Picture it this way: you have wronged a friend. It happens. You feel horrible because you never intended to hurt anyone. When the time is right, you ask your friend if you can talk. When they accept, you start by acknowledging the wrong. Then you proceed to let them know how you feel about hurting them. If you stop there, reconciliation is just around the corner, and you may miss an opportunity to deepen the bond of friendship. So, you don’t stop there. The next and final step is to say the five words that break through the barrier of the wrong, “Will you please forgive me?”
At that point, your friend has a decision to make: forgive you or carry the hurt and live in their own bondage of unforgiveness.
When you forgive or ask for forgiveness, the weight of the offense and the responsibility is now off your shoulders. It frees you to trust others again, understanding that people are imperfect and so are you. It is not dependent on the other accepting or granting the forgiveness.
If you remember the story of my mom, you’ll remember that reconciliation happened when the forgiveness was asked for and granted, with a recognition of the part both my mom and I had in the relationship.
My faith has been the best example to me of what it means to forgive. In my mind, it is easy to harbor bitterness. Then I am reminded of how much I have been forgiven. I have lied, taken jealousy to places it should not have gone, and failed others in relationship. Worse yet, I have been unable to follow the greatest instructions ever given: to love God and love others as I love myself. Breaking these commands has placed me in the category of someone in need of forgiveness by God. And Jesus bridged that gap in relationship, forgave me, and